He heard you. Wisdom for Parents – from the training of Premier League referees A good referee needs to be able to exercise self-control, especially when provoked...
Welcome Stoic Parents
Stoicism, as practiced by the Romans, is a philosophy of life; an intellectual worldview informing a practical system of day-to-day and moment-to-moment self-management - towards the end of creating a happy and effective life in an anxious time. Like many other ancient practices, Stoicism is still used and useful today, offering wisdom and techniques that are especially valuable to the parent, as well as a being an effective worldview well worth passing on to your child.
- Stoicism simplifies. For example, everything is in one of two groups: Things you can't control, and things you can control. So, you have zero control over traffic, the weather, other people, reputation, the behavior of the markets - really, what happens to you. However, you have total control over your thoughts, actions, judgements and interpretations. Some things are better than others - You are the decider.
- Stoicism is full of helpful exercises. It's the basis for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, considered the most robust approach to managing many mental health challenges. In effect, Stoics train themselves to act well when it counts, by keeping a specific awareness and constantly practicing good judgement.
Stoics are calm, resilient and quietly happy - in charge of their own experience, respectful, and good in relationships with others, as they follow their system to live "in accordance with nature." (the Stoic state of Ataraxia is similar to the Buddhist nirvana - only it is found not so much in contemplation, but "out in the world." It offers lucidity and ongoing freedom from distress and worry, all in support of a natural role in supporting family, friends and community.)
I believe that Stoicism, Buddhism, Reflective Practice, Quakerism, Mindfullness, etc all center around the same thing - the "best self" described by parenting author Becky Bailey. The Stoics were practical and direct, and, to me at least, their approach is particularly helpful ... What worked for Roman emperors is handy when dealing with car seats, feeding and public tantrums, as well as the bigger questions of "what do I do," or understanding one’s role in the world.
Rather than layout Stoicism as if in a philosophy course, I've put together a few articles to stimulate you – once you start to develop "the Stoic Lens" and learn a few Stoic “Mind Hacks” you will find yourself apply them throughout your life, to the benefit of your child, yourself, you community, and all of humanity.
All Stoic Articles
Why and How Males “Father” – An Evolutionary Anthropologist Examines Father Engagement
Dr. Anna Machin is an English Evolutionary Anthropologist who explores core human relationships. In this essay she notes that among our primate relatives, we are the...
The Fate of the Earth depends on the Social and Emotional Skills of the next generation of leaders. They are on the playground right now, and, we hope, are being trusted...
The Key Insight is “The drive for autonomy trumps all else” – you’ll work with it, or it will work against you.
I am a huge fan of Janet Lansbury, who comes out of the Emmi Pikler/Magda Gerber tradition (as do I, in my way). In the last few years, her (wonderful) teaching on...
You are the wise mute stage hand. The one who sees everything, and appreciates effort. When you watch – totally empty, you become fulfilled.
Every pre-toddler needs a Free Space (or a “Safe Space” or a “Yes Space”) where they can play freely and safely without the need for interruption. This post has some...
This area where your child can be left alone is vital - but not to protect the child from danger. The goal is to protect your child’s play from you, and to a lesser...
This is a case where the parent's needs can take precedence over the child's needs. The child's needs to develop the skills and confidence that come from overcoming...
Moms can go all the way in with their babies – and can be reluctant to leave their children alone with their spouse. Yet research shows surprising lifelong benefits that...